Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

So You Want to Start a Blog?

I figured I’d end the summer with a blogging-related post. And OMG, can you believe the summer is already over?  Sorry couldn’t help myself.

I took some time last week to check in on a bunch of the “new” bloggers who’ve started following me on twitter in the past few months. On any given week, I get followed by anywhere from 5-15 “new” dating-related bloggers. I put new in quotation marks because some of the blogs themselves are new, and some of the bloggers have been blogging for a while and have only just recently joined twitter or just recently started to follow me. Note: because of services like WeFollow, most dating/relationship bloggers follow me.

Anyway, I try to find time to check in on the new folks every few months. To see if there are any new-ish bloggers that really stand out, or anyone that I might want to subscribe to. Last week, when I did my check in, I found that the MAJORITY of those new blogs were inactive. Many of them didn’t make it past 5 posts.

When I investigated further, I found that many dozens of bloggers who follow me on twitter, on a variety of topics (but mainly dating and relationships) hadn’t updated in over 2 months.

So here’s some free advice for those of who think you might like to start a blog, on any topic:

  1. Before launching, write a minimum of 5 posts. Don’t just think of the stories/topics. Sit down and WRITE the posts. Proofread them, revise, all that good stuff.
  2. Realize that you will start with a very small audience. Very. Small. Almost no one if you blog anonymously.  It will take a while and lots of hard work before people start reading and commenting on your posts. Ask yourself: Will I be OK with this?
  3. Realize that, no matter what you write, there will be people who write/say mean things about you. Ask yourself: Will I be OK with this?
  4. Learn the basics of social media and become a part of the blogging community.
  5. Realize that most bloggers quit. Not because they were stupid, or didn’t have things to write about. But because writing/blogging takes time, is essentially a thankless task and only a small percentage of bloggers make any money.

Still interested in blogging? Cool. Just go in with your eyes open.

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I Will Be Lonely for the Holidays. And It Won’t Kill Me.

Eight days til Xmas and I’m already suffering from Holiday burnout.

I’m not talking about the kind of burnout that comes from too much shopping or too many holiday parties. As usual, I’ve kept all of that to a minimum. Truth is, I’m just not much of a “holiday” person.

No, I’m suffering from media-related burnout. The kind that comes from reading one (dozen) too many articles about overcoming the holiday blues. Or enjoying the holidays as a single person.

So here it is, for the record, my official contribution to the holiday-related media overload: I will be lonely for the holidays. I am not going to fight it. I’m going to let the loneliness come.  Accept it for what it is. And then move on.

There is a big difference between being lonely and alone. I quite enjoy being alone, and don’t look for ways to fill my time/cling to others to fill my time and space. But sometimes I get lonely, too. And this time of year I am particularly vulnerable to it. I see other people flying cross country to visit with their families and…

My family is right here, but they’re not. Not really. My mom is gone. Grandparents all long gone. And without them all the holidays feel more like a burden than a blessing. So I avoid my family this time of year. Because it is easier. Less painful.

I tend to spend my holidays alone. Sometimes flying off (somewhere far) to spend it with friends. But whether I am alone or in with a crowd, I always feel lonely this time of year. Like I am missing out. Missing the family I should have.

And then it passes. And I feel better again.

Random:  I have ended 2 relationships on or right after New Years, in recent years. In both cases, I could have let the relationship drag on longer. Hoped for things to get better. But it’s the time of year when I am least likely to suffer fools gladly.

Anyway, didn’t mean to be such a downer.  I just wanted to point out that not every single person was doing the rah rah, it’s awesome to be single during the holidays dance, and that I am willing to accept loneliness for what it is.  Normal. Temporary. Nonfatal.

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First Kisses (and other fun stuff)

So, dinner  the other night with friends and I don’t even know how we got on this topic…  but somehow we got to talking about how long we tended to (past tense) wait to kiss some new person. And then, of course, how long we waited to get naked with a new person. Note how I said “past tense.”  We were talking about what we’ve actually done, not should do.

It was a judgment-free conversation (my favorite kind). And somewhat enlightening. Turns out we all though the whole idea of waiting was pretty silly. BUT, there was also some agreement that it could be a good strategic move to wait a bit. Something about the short wait making it all seem more better (more better is not a phrase I use often, but seems to fit well here).

In other words, kissing and/or sex on the first date = fine. Maybe even great. But waiting a little while can lead to some interesting results. More significance (if significance is something you’re after). However, waiting a long while just seems like a recipe for a fucking disaster. Literally.

All just a bunch of random babble, I know. But figured I’d share.



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As Good a Time as Any

You know that feeling when you’re having sex with someone for the first time in a long time?  That weirdness? Or maybe that’s just me. Anyway, for me there’s a weirdness. And, more than that, a non-sto[...]

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Mean, Lonely and Weird…But Free

  via PostSecret Tags: postsecret, single[...]

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Lower Standards

I don’t get out much anymore. I try. I make plans and then, well, half the time I’m unable to keep my plans. So I don’t make many plans… One night last week, I made it out to a party, with a frien[...]

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One Reason

So I was writing something this morning. In my kind-of journal. And I found myself writing, “…the reason…” as if I could KNOW the reason why anyone has ever done anything.  Including myself. Ther[...]

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