Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

3 for 3. More or Less.

I’ve had 3 good first dates in the last week.  More or less.

The first was with the one and only guy I met on (yep, 3 months and I only met one guy).  We were supposed to meet over a month ago and then I got sick.  And then he was a away for a few weeks.  And then I was away.  I pretty much figured it was never going to happen, but sure enough, he got back in touch and we made it happen.

We definitely clicked in terms of sense of humor, hobbies and all that good stuff.  But I’d be lying if I said I felt there was any sexual chemistry.  He’s not the kind of guy who’s particularly forward (not that I wanted him to jump me on the , but he’s so buttoned up it’s hard to know if he’s interested), and in these situations I prefer to wait and see.  I really suck at making the first move, actually. Who knows, maybe the chemistry is there, but just hiding?  Anyway, he emailed me the next day and said he’d like to see me again and I’ve said yes.  Hopefully we’ll go on a sometime this week and I’ll get a better sense of whether of not there’s any romantic potential with him.

The second date was the dinner date. That was pleasant, but also a little weird.  First, it was weird because it felt so formal to be having dinner on a first date.  I really do prefer drinks dates. And second, it was weird because he’s not the kind of guy I’d usually pick for myself.  Rather, he’s the kind of guy my mom would’ve picked for me.

NOTE: A good rule of thumb in my dating life, thus far, is that I don’t click with guys my mom would’ve liked. In this instance, I’m trying to hold off judgment (as an experiment if nothing else).  Though, like with Mr., there wasn’t even an inkling of actual chemistry.

But still, we had a nice night and he’s already asked me out for a well planned (and really awesome) 2nd date. And so I’ll see.

The third date was last night and very different than the first two. First off, I should say that I really wasn’t all that excited about meeting this guy.  It was more – something I felt I should do.  Not that he didn’t seem awesome.  But he was awesome and many years younger than me.  The youngest guy I’ve dated in over 5 years, in fact.

That said, we had fun.  He’s a smart, funny guy and much cuter than I’d thought he’d be (on the way to the date I was straining to remember what he looked like and couldn’t, not sure what that was about). AND, he was very flirty.  More than flirty.  There was some actual kissing in the bar and then he walked me towards my apt, holding my hand the whole way.  I was somewhat concerned that he’d do something stupid like angle for an invite up to my place, but he didn’t, so points for him on that.

Now, about those kisses.  They were nice.  Very nice.  He’s not a bad kisser.  However, I felt absolutely nothing.  No weak in the knees, I really like this guy, feeling.  Which doesn’t mean I won’t be seeing him again. I have no idea about that.  Honestly, I can think of lots of guys I’ve gone out with, who were all kissy/hand-holdy on the first date and then disappeared.  I’ve never known what to make of it and I kinda don’t care. My theory is that they were hoping for the invite up, but not so pushy as to ask for it.  And when they don’t get it they move on to the next opportunity.  Lots of girls in this town, lots of opportunities for one night stands. The way I figure it, he has my number. And I’ll probably say yes if he asks me for a second date.

ACK!  I just reread everything I’ve written so far and it’s all sounding rather dreary.  YES, none of these guys really did it for me. No swooning.  No staying up all night thinking about how much I like someone.  But so what? What has swooning gotten me in the past?  Seriously?

Yes, I’m rationalizing my lack of feeling for these guys. And in the long run I know that’s not smart. But in the short run, I’m gonna push through anyway. And maybe that will be turn out to be a smart thing. Or it won’t.

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13 to “3 for 3. More or Less.”

  1. Sandyvs says:

    I know exactly what you’re talking about with the kissing subject! I’m dating a man that I have a great time with, and he’s a good kisser, but I feel no sexual attraction to him. I was honest and told him that I really enjoy his company, but I’m not ready to take it to another level and don’t know if I ever will be. He said he’s fine with that, but I think he’s waiting for me to cave. So, I’m really interested to see what happens with you with these guys and would like to know if anyone else has been in this situation. I’d appreciate some thought sharing here.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think there’s a different between attraction and that weak and the knees feeling I was talking about. At least for me. I can certainly be attracted to a man, sexually, but not really DESIRE him, much. Not sure if that makes sense.

  2. Katie says:

    Well it sounds like you had a jammed pack weekend. I remember when I did dating sorta like that in college, my housemates called me bad names. I am really interested in your blogs as I have always been into online dating, never felt the urge or comfort to strike up a conversation with a guy in a public place.

    Keep up the great work and keep enjoying yourself 😀

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks Katie. I think a lot of people feel the same way (about online dating). It takes what might otherwise be uncomfortable and makes it easier.

  3. I know the feeling. Youngin doesn’t really “Do it” for me but he’s such a cutie I’ll keep him anyway. Continue to keep yourself open to opportunities and remain open, you got this.

  4. Terry says:

    I know- you don’t believe in love at first site– or bite but you know my story:

    A long plane ride from Anchorage to Tampa for dinner. This young lady picked me up in her BMW – -I sat in the car and looked in her eyes – and knew I was in trouble.

    All night long I wanted to kiss her. I did– amazing kiss. Took me a while to figure out if this was real or not- because I was not wanting to be involved with someone for a while, and wanted a break. So I went back after a few weeks– yup, she was still there, and still a great kisser. Still didn’t believe it — so a few weeks later met her in another city — still a great kisser.

    Now we are getting ready to head to the OB office to find a day for a C-section.

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s a wonderful story. And I know that people fall head over heels in love every day.

      I used to dream of it happening to me. I still do, kinda. I just don’t count on it.

  5. alex says:

    three dates one weekend = good source material. :)

    my friends would often question me about this sort of dating. it’s called “date em all and let the internet sort em out.”

  6. Jolene says:

    Ugh…so, sort of “meh” to all three, huh? Not bad, but not great, knocked-outta-the-park kind of dates. Sort of a letdown, but at the same time, they all seem like they have varying levels of potential, just maybe not all potentially for you? Bummer.

  7. SoloAt30 says:

    First dates can be funny, especially when you’ve got a number of them all at one time. You’re looking for someone to wow you right away. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. For me, sometimes there’s nervousness, or etiquette and politeness, that keeps the chemistry from truly showing full steam right away. There have definitely been extreme exceptions. Yet, there have been some amazing relationships that took a little time and nurturing to grow, friendship dating that turned into amazing chemistry that still exists years after the break-up, ahem.

    Anyway, have fun as you keep searching. You’re bound to find someone who knocks your socks off eventually because you’re doing that awesomely brave and important thing of putting yourself out there!

  8. anonymous says:

    ok so, ive read your blog here and there and i admire your tenacity.

    i just have one question.

    how are you ever going to build any kind of relationship with a man past date #3 when every single time you meet one you find at least one deal breaking “rule” that means he’s not right for you?

    you say these dating rules come from experience, but to me it seems like you have already dated every type of man in the world. why do you even bother when
    you know you will just find a fault and write him off because GASP! your mother might like him! or GASP! he’s 3 inches too tall for you! or we have everything in common and he’s great and persistent and clearly wants to get to know me, but EH! something’s not right! what does that even mean?

    honestly, lighten up. i think you watch too many movies or something. no one is perfect.

    maybe you can’t afford to be so picky anymore.