I couldn’t sleep. Nothing new there. Hours had passed since I’d gone to bed during which time I’d listened to several podcasts (it’s what I usually do when I can’t sleep).
At some point I got tired of podcasts and decided to get up and turn on the computer. And, of course, I checked twitter. Someone tweeted a link to some relationship advice article, the type of thing I normally wouldn’t read. I do read some advice, and some advice columns quite regularly (like Dan Savage) but honestly don’t have the patience for much of it.
Anyway, it was late and I was bored and tired and so I clicked on it. The theme of the article was something like, ‘Advice I’d give my daughter about selecting a husband,’ and it was written by a guy (sorry, I don’t remember the exact title, this was months ago). There, amongst a lot of trite ‘tips’, was this statement:
Don’t put too much importance on sex. You’re looking for the man who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. Not the man who’s the best lover. I’m paraphrasing.
So, clearly I have no clue about what makes a good husband or good husband material. That’s a given. But I do know this:
SEX IS IMPORTANT. VERY IMPORTANT.
It is surely not the most important thing in a relationship, and I most certainly don’t think people should necessarily marry the best lover they’ve ever had (unless they’re lucky enough to also be in love with that person and want to build a life with them, and vice versa). But to say, “don’t put too much importance on sex” implies that sex isn’t that important. And that’s just wrong. Dead wrong.
For most people.
I get that it’s different for people with really low sex drives. And maybe for people who marry as virgins(?). But for the rest of us…
Tags: bed, dan savage, expert, relationship, relationship advice