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I Will Be Lonely for the Holidays. And It Won’t Kill Me.

Eight days til Xmas and I’m already suffering from Holiday burnout.

I’m not talking about the kind of burnout that comes from too much shopping or too many holiday parties. As usual, I’ve kept all of that to a minimum. Truth is, I’m just not much of a “holiday” person.

No, I’m suffering from media-related burnout. The kind that comes from reading one (dozen) too many articles about overcoming the holiday blues. Or enjoying the as a single person.

So here it is, for the record, my official contribution to the holiday-related media overload: I will be for the holidays. I am not going to fight it. I’m going to let the loneliness come.  Accept it for what it is. And then move on.

There is a big difference between being lonely and alone. I quite enjoy being alone, and don’t look for ways to fill my time/cling to others to fill my time and space. But sometimes I get lonely, too. And this time of year I am particularly vulnerable to it. I see other people flying cross country to visit with their families and…

My family is right here, but they’re not. Not really. My mom is gone. Grandparents all long gone. And without them all the holidays feel more like a burden than a blessing. So I avoid my family this time of year. Because it is easier. Less painful.

I tend to spend my holidays alone. Sometimes flying off (somewhere far) to spend it with friends. But whether I am alone or in with a crowd, I always feel lonely this time of year. Like I am missing out. Missing the family I should have.

And then it passes. And I feel better again.

Random:  I have ended 2 relationships on or right after New Years, in recent years. In both cases, I could have let the relationship drag on longer. Hoped for things to get better. But it’s the time of year when I am least likely to suffer fools gladly.

Anyway, didn’t mean to be such a downer.  I just wanted to point out that not every single person was doing the rah rah, it’s awesome to be single during the holidays dance, and that I am willing to accept loneliness for what it is.  Normal. Temporary. Nonfatal.

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22 to “I Will Be Lonely for the Holidays. And It Won’t Kill Me.”

  1. Matt says:

    Yes. Just… yes.

  2. michele kerepesi says:

    thank you Simone. you said exactly what I want to say. love ya!!

  3. Nicole says:

    yup. I’ve been wanting to comment on these same feelings and couldn’t seem to put them into words. I feel ya pretty lady.

  4. Jolene says:

    SO right…major difference between loneliness and being alone. Great post and I am glad you’ll have a good one despite that!

  5. Penelope says:

    aaaww… i would probably experience the same if i didn’t decide to go back to GA next week. but im glad i did :)

  6. Not a downer at all, love. Just honest. And that is why we love you.

  7. pups4me says:

    Yes….this time of year I am usually feeling quite lonely and this year is no exception.

  8. LadyD says:

    Yep, I *hate* the holidays. Have been trying to find a date for a party tomorrow night – no such luck. Either they’re out of town, on business trips, or off skiing . . . *SIGH* And New Year’s is fast approaching, bought a dress, but may just say EFF it, and stay home – Grrrr . . . Just so tired of AGAIN, for another EFFING year, being single over the holidays. Just. SUCKS.

  9. Jen says:

    It is a lot of pressure and a lot of emotions this time of year. The only thing you can control is how you handle it so, bravo.

  10. Jenny Jen says:

    How refreshing are the words you write. Acceptance is a hard thing to come by, hence endless articles on how to cure it, which I’ve been known to tackle in my own writing too. We often think it’s easier to cover up our voids, rather than accept them for what they are. What a pleasant remind that it’s more fulfilling to just be, then to pretend otherwise.

  11. Charlotte says:

    I’m in the same boat as well this year and trying to put a positive spin on things is definitely difficult. I think a lot of it has to do with media intervention and the Facebook statuses of those who are married or married-with-children.

    Jen is right–so many emotions this time of year. Just need to make it past Valentine’s Day (it’s been my mantra for the past few weeks now).

  12. IntrigueMe says:

    Hmmm… Good perspective. I spend the holidays with my entire family and that is still lonely sometimes. I will get through it though, enjoy the high points and work past the low, just like every other year.

  13. Simone Grant says:

    Thanks everyone for the wonderful feedback and support. I hope you’re all doing well, and wringing some joy out of the season.

    • Elizabeth Andrews says:

      My last long-term relationship ended at 30, and for the past ten years, I have been without a boyfriend on Christmas, New Year’s, Valentines Day, or my birthday. It boggles my mind, really.

  14. Sandy says:

    A quick note, not meant to detract from or lessen your experience: I often feel lonely during the holidays, even as a married person, and even when I spend them in the thick of family togetherness. I always felt this way during pivotal life events, like college graduation, my wedding, etc. I think it’s a human thing, to feel like you’re missing out on something that everybody else has/knows about, when in reality, we’re all missing out on whatever idealized version of things as they should be exists inside our heads.

    Another note: I’m glad you’re back to writing for us.
    Sandy recently posted..Scenes From My Interfaith MarriageMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks so much Sandy. I’m trying hard to get back to it. Feeling much better now.. Trying HARD. And I think your comment is spot on. There’s just so much pressure we silly humans create for ourselves…

  15. Great article, I know how you feel. Keep the faith!

  16. Denise Tyler says:

    Nothing wrong with being single during any part of the year. Just remember you always have the choice to go out or logon to find some company. Enjoy whichever route you take!
    Denise Tyler recently posted..How Big Is Your Cum?My Profile

  17. Just because you are alone doesn’t mean you are lonely, what a good point. Society tends to overlook this basic but all to true point doesn’t it? The holidays can bring many of us down and as this article points out many relationships end around the holidays. This is probably due in part to people reflecting on their lives and the new year ahead as well as the general stress of the holidays.

  18. Cindy says:

    Oh well, it’s only Xmas, people create it as something BIG. Have a glass of nice red wine, bowl of icecream n watch a movie :) i would be more than happy!

  19. Simone Grant says:

    I’ve been crap about responding to comments these past few months. I just wanted to say an extra special thanks to everyone. It’s times like these that remind me that this blog is a community. And that’s a very good thing.

  20. Hi x I found your site a little while ago when I was interested to see what was happening on the internet dating scene in the USA and I love your posts. Dating culture seems the same the across the water and there are only 8 million people in the whole of Ireland!

    And you’re so right when many couples or friends seem to equate single with lonely and I bet we all could have been ‘with someone’ but have chosen not to just be with ‘anyone’ like so many, or married for reasons other than love which seems to be surprisingly common. If you’re not with ‘the one’ I always feel it leaves you open to that person walking through the door if you choose to settle for less than you really want. I have have stolen these words but they have become my mantra cos ‘we only get what we will settle for’. Christmas is over and New Year is looming may we all find our own peace happiness.x Great minds must think alike…

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