So, a not so funny thing happened to me on a date this weekend. It was a second date with this guy. We were talking. Having a really nice conversation. And all of sudden my eyes welled up with tears. I worked hard to fight them back, so maybe he didn’t notice. If he did (notice) he didn’t say anything.
Why the tears?
Because all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with feeling. Real feeling. Real conflicting feelings that a) I was starting to like this guy and b) I was seeing things in him that scare me/reminders of other people and other situations.
This has never happened to me before. Crying on a date. I guess maybe it’s a sign that I’m not as healed and ready for a new relationship as I thought I was. Or maybe something else? Maybe just an effed up way of me reminding myself to break old patterns. I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
I do know that crying on dates isn’t normal. Or acceptable. And that he probably noticed. Even though I quickly recovered and changed the subject by telling a funny story.
I also know that I’ve always stared down my fears and insecurities. And I refuse to spend the rest of my life hiding from real emotion just because I’ve had my heart stomped on a couple too many times.
Anyway, I wouldn’t be surprised if I never hear from him again. I cried on our second date. Big no-no. But honestly, that seems kinda secondary to me today.
Tags: dating dysfunction, feelings, funny story, second date