I’ve got a couple of stories for you, today. Well, a couple of snippets that work together. There’s this woman I know, a friend of a friend I haven’t seen in ages, who’s pregnant. I’m so happy for her, especially since the last time we saw each other she was telling me that she was desperate to have a child, and her doctor had told her it wasn’t going to happen.
Here’s her story (roughly): She’d been with the same guy for about a decade. She loved him and wanted to marry him and have his children. He knew this. And… nothing. Year after year she waited and the relationship went nowhere. All of her friends wanted her to dump the guy and move on (for many reasons) but she couldn’t/wouldn’t. I last saw her right after her 40th birthday. She’d recently gone to her doctor and been told she’d waited too long and was pretty devastated.
Well, sometime in the last year, the guy broke things off. And rather than chasing after him and begging him to stay, or waiting for him to change his mind, she immediately took herself to a fertility specialist and started IVF. She got pregnant on the first try. Now she’s blissfully happy and preparing for life as a single-parent. Which, I think, is pretty damn awesome. She’s getting to do what she always wanted, which is to be a mom.
The second story is one of my crazy family stories. I was at a family wedding, a couple of weeks ago, seated in between my dad and an aunt. Now, I don’t know what passes for polite conversation in other people’s families, but in my family it’s completely normal to be grilled about marital status and reproductive choices before the first course arrives. Which is what happened.
My dad made a comment about a cousin being next in line to get married. Which made the cousin clearly uncomfortable. So I told him to back off, that she was young (mid – 20s) and had plenty of time. At which point he said he didn’t understand “single, career girls.” I made a snarky comment about him just barely tolerating me. Then, my aunt said something about it not being too late for me. Which I know she said to be nice, or something like that. But I couldn’t let it lie, and said something about maybe never getting married and that being OK, too.
At which point my aunt said, “It’s OK if you don’t get married, just have a baby.” Which, for my family, is a pretty radical statement.
I went on to tell my aunt that I wouldn’t be having kids and her response kind of shook me. She said I needed to, and then something about kids being there for you when you get old. Which is true, sure. But there are a hell of a lot of years of being there for your kids, and working hard to raise them right before they’re there for you where you get old.
Anyway, I thought it was vaguely interesting.
Tags: babies, career, crazy, dad, family, fertility