Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball…

Sorry, I couldn’t resist. And who doesn’t love Abba?

So, yesterday there was this new post/study from blowing up twitter. It seems that 75% of Women Would Not Marry Someone Who Was Unemployed. Shocking!

So not shocking.

Also revealed was that 65% of those same women wouldn’t get married if they, themselves, were unemployed. Both of these stats make total sense to me. Marriage is, amongst other things, a business arrangement. And getting married while you or your beloved is unemployed sounds like a bad business decision to me.

This doesn’t mean that women can’t fall in love with unemployed men (which was certainly the implication of some of yesterday’s twitter action). Rather, 75% are sensible enough to realize that it’s probably a good idea to wait until their future hubby gets back into the workforce.

Anyway, I actually read beyond the headline and found some info in the study that is interesting. To me.

32 percent of women in a relationship make more than their partner. 50 percent of women would marry someone who earned significantly less than them, while 41 percent wouldn’t marry someone who earned significantly less than them.

That’s half of all women surveyed saying they’d marry someone who earned significantly less than them. Not, IMO, a small number. Especially when you consider societal norms and all that.

So kids… it’s been a while. It’s time for a . I want to know what you think of this. Does money make the world go round?

For the women:

Would you marry someone who earned significantly less than you.

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For the guys:

Would you marry someone who earned significantly less than you.

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10 to “I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball…”

  1. Black Iris says:

    I said “other” because I don’t know what I would do. I’m sure I would have married a man who earned less than I did. I’ve lived with an unemployed guy and been married to a guy who was earning nothing or next to nothing while I worked. I have no regrets and would do it all again.

    However, I am very glad that I was not married to a guy who was earning less than me when our kids were small. I’m glad I didn’t have to be the primary breadwinner or even the equal breadwinner at that time.

    So I don’t really know how to answer the question. For one thing, people’s earnings aren’t set in stone. You may marry a guy who earns more than you and end up supporting him someday.

    Mostly, though, I find I can’t say I would never care what a guy earned. Really, deep down, I would.

    I don’t think all women would feel the same way I do, but I suspect there are more who feel that way than would admit it.

    • Liz says:

      When I was in my thirties and looking for someone to have a family with, I wanted a man who was making enough for me to stay home with kids for a few years and to be able to send them to college, etc. Now that having children is no longer much of an option, the man’s income matters a lot less. Sure, it would be great to marry someone wealthy so I wouldn’t have to work full-time the rest of my life, but ultimately, he just needs to be able to come up with half the rent on an apartment. I figure that would still help me out, and if he has other good qualities, my life overall would be richer, despite having to continue on the career treadmill.

  2. Black Iris says:

    Just a question for other women – would it affect your opinion if the guy already had children? In other words, if a guy who earned a lot less than you had children to support, would you be less willing to marry him?

  3. Marriage is a business contract – no question in my mind. So you want a partner who can contribute to that. But that is not always a financial issue – is it? When important decisions in life arise- don’t you want someone who will be honest, forthright, and even if you disagree have your back? Money doesn’t factor in there — or when Simone finally agrees to move out of her beloved city and move to Idaho for love – I suspect it will be less about income, and more about (ok, bad example, if SG moves to Idaho I’m getting a lotto ticket) — but you get the idea

  4. Michael Shaw says:

    The short answer is yes, I myself would marry and would advise someone else to marry regardless if one’s prospective partner made less income.

    As some readers have pointed out, unequal income can create problems (especially when young children are involved) but these things can be worked out. My experience of life tells me: Marry, take a chance, find some happiness.

    A better question: Would you marry someone who came to you with larger amounts of debt?

    How do you feel about this Simone? What do readers think?

    When you are dating someone with huge debt and they start pushing for marriage, at one point might you become suspicious that they are digging for gold? How can you tell? How will you feel working long hours to pay off debts incurred before you even entered the relationship?

    When the one you love has debts, what is the goal of the relationship? If you marry him or her, are you taking a chance on love or just being a fool?

    This is an enjoyable website, thanks.

    • Black Iris says:

      Ouch! I would want to know how they got in debts. Is it student loans or overusing your credit card?

      I think it would be hard, but it would make sense to talk about working off debts before you get married if one of you has much bigger debts.

  5. Here’s the thing – sure I’d love to say, of course I’d marry someone who makes significantly less than me. But the reality is, it isn’t that simple. The real problem isn’t whether or not I want to marry a guy who can buy me nice things (I do, but I can always buy myself nice things, so that isn’t a requirement…) It’s that many guys will feel insecure if their girlfriend/wifey makes significantly more than them. I am not just pulling this out of my ass. I have learned this from experience. Ideally, most guys want to be the bread winner, but will settle for being equal in the money department. It seems, however, that for a lot of guys, when a woman makes significantly more than them, they feel threatened. And that usually manifests itself in less than attractive ways (eg putting you down to feel better about themselves or acting all insecure and unconfident). SO, I put it depends. Because if I could find an awesome guy who really didn’t care that I made more, and in fact admired how hard I had worked to get to where I am, then I would be more than fine with marrying someone who made less than me.

    Good post!

  6. I wouldn’t marry anyone who makes significantly less than I do because I enjoy a certain lifestyle and don’t really want it to change just because I’m married. Oh, wait. What am I saying? I wouldn’t marry anyone…anyway!

    -The Spinsterlicious Life

  7. Lennie Ross says:

    Lol I agree Simone, I don’t think this is a surprise at all. Money is often the biggest factor when it comes to marital issues, especially amongst middle class couples.

    If a man’s not making money, I’m not making love with that man! Lol I’m not that shallow and it’s more complicated than that, but you get the picture :)

    Lennie Ross

  8. lafemmeroar says:

    I can fall in love with a pair of Jimmy Choo heels, but can I walk in them everyday for the rest of my life without ruining my feet?

    I’d love to eat a tub of ice cream, but can my tush take the expansion?

    Can I fall in love with an unemployed man? Absolutely, but marrying him would probably break my pocket book.

    Love is emotional, but marriage needs to make dollars and sense.

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