Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Great Guy, But a Cheating Liar

So, I’ve been sitting on this story for a long while. I didn’t want it to turn into a guessing game.

Anyway… I met this guy. Not online. It was almost old-fashioned. He was a friend of a friend or something like that. Someone I was excited about meeting, at first. He was smart and funny and great on paper. So after meeting and exchanging lots of emails and coordinating complicated schedules we went out on a date. One date.

Honestly, we didn’t really hit it off. OK, that’s an understatement. I thought he came off like an arrogant jerk. And I know from arrogant jerks, having dated quite a few of them.

Anyway, he asked me out for a second date and after mulling it over for a half second I politely declined. Skip ahead a few months and I see his name in the NYTimes. He’d done something remarkable and everyone was talking about him and what a wonderful person he was. Of course, I read the article. I especially loved the part about his fiancee. I did a tiny bit of digging and found out that they’d been together forever.

So Mr. Wonderful had gone out with me while engaged.

I know that shit like happens all the time. Every minute of every day, somewhere on this little planet we call earth. I just thought it was funny/weird, that I found out in NYTimes. I mean, I could’ve theoretically still been dating the jerk. Behind his fiancees back. Now THAT would’ve funny!


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26 to “Great Guy, But a Cheating Liar”

  1. Simone, this post screams NPD to me, from beginning to end. I admit that I’m a bit on guard for that particular disorder, but I’ll bet if you did more digging on him, you’d find your date with him wasn’t the first time he stepped out on his fiancee, nor will it be the last time. I’ll be he’ll be using his write-up in the NYT as a tool to get his next date.

    What is, but shouldn’t be, astonishing to me is that being the friend of a friend or acquaintance, or someone known by someone you knew, that he kept his long-time fiancee under wraps. Normal people don’t do that.

    Bullet dodged!
    Miss Crankypance recently posted..Lies Corporate America Will Tell YouMy Profile

    • Simone Grant says:

      This’ll probably sound more world-weary than intended but I’m at the point where I have no expectations for what ‘normal people’ do or don’t do. People are just bizarre.

  2. Shannon says:

    what is NPD? I’m so out of the now. I just did a post that included my “Mr. Wonderful” mine was a bit more “advanced”
    post is:

    I love the name “Miss Crankypance” why didn’t I think of that!

    Do you do Santacon? (totally unrelated, I know)

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think she means narcissistic personality disorder though I’m sure I just spelled that wrong. I’m not so quick to diagnose people. I just think he’s an arrogant asshole.
      And no, I’m not a Santocon chick. I just can’t drink that much in my old age. And if you’re not drinking…

  3. Spinsterlicious says:

    You got off easy. Girlfriend…I mean, Fiancé” is getting the sh*t end of the stick. Poor girl.
    Spinsterlicious recently posted..Spinsterlicious…And Dreading the Holidays?My Profile

  4. I was on a date with this British guy – he was charming and funny and pretty cute (in a British way). I asked if he had kids and he said yes and he told me about the kids. Then I asked how long he’d been divorced.

    Oh yeah – not divorced. He and his wife don’t even sleep in the same bed together and they’re just staying together for the kids – they don’t want them to come from a broken home. That made me laugh and laugh and laugh! Really?!

    I ended the date and left. He called me later and asked me to reconsider because he really liked me. Then he proceeded to tell me he’d even break it off with the other married lady he sees when he’s in Cincinnati! (Wow thanks!) He said that she meets him at his hotel and sometimes her husband comes and watches.


    I politely declined – again.

  5. Roxanne says:

    Wow, yes, arrogant and probably the fact that he is good on paper and would probably “on paper” be a great catch has convinced him that he can do no wrong. Yeah, you dodged a bullet. I feel for his fiancee. She’ll have a NY Times mentioned husband but a jerk for a soul-mate. But the NY Times wedding announcement will be flawless. I doubt he’ll mention it to his dates, though. Regardless, it’s the arrogant jerk thing you sensed right away. Ugh. I hate that. I bet he was dropping names. Ugh.
    Roxanne recently posted..The Best Advice I Never TookMy Profile

    • Michael says:

      Not to be a complete cynic here, but I meet more women that are concerned about what their relationship looks like on paper (and their lifestyle together) than those that want actual connection. As long as he never publicly embarrasses her, his fiancee may not care to notice what he does or doesn’t do (or may cheat herself).

      • Simone Grant says:

        I don’t think you’re being a complete cynic. I know plenty of people (women and men) who seem far more concerned about appearances than actual happiness. Hell, there seem to be people who have relationships for the sole purposes of reporting the details on facebook.
        To each his own, and all that.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Name dropping – check. In fact, that was my first red flag. The date went downhill from there.

  6. Spike says:

    Have you considered selling an exposé piece to the NYT about how this great, well-known guy is actually a cheating shit? You could make a mint. Be on TV. Have cookie dough named after you. Or something. :)
    Spike recently posted..Why The Delete Key Is ImportantMy Profile

  7. EGP says:

    They may have been broken up for a short time or its an arranged marriage.

  8. Anna says:

    How charming of him. Could have been worse though. Imagine having been pictured with him in the NYTimes, perish the thought!

  9. Sounds like your innate sense of the person was on the mark. How a person looks on paper, how polished they appear – well, it can be acted quite well. Most people liked Ted Bundy.
    Gladwell says the more you do something the better you get– for you- you have a lot of experience with people- and thus probably pick up signs (tells) that others would not.
    Feel bad for the person who has no great first sense of people (like yours truly). Thinking you could have a job as someone who gives great first impressions of people. For some of us – we need to surround ourselves with such individuals, in business as well as personal lives.
    Leave it to me to find something different

  10. Catherine says:

    This is absolutely crazy. I pray his fiancee finds out what a jerk he is before the wedding.
    Catherine recently posted..Simply Solo Spotlight: Before It Gets Pretty, Sometimes Its Gotta Get Really Ugly … A Love StoryMy Profile

  11. Barbara says:

    Those kinds are hungry for their ego I guess and one will be never enough for them. I’m sure he will hit the wall as well just like the others. Charm and greatness can’t last forever. Most of them end lonely and miserable….

  12. Charlotte says:

    Wow. Though I’m not totally surprised to hear this and I know it happens all the time, I’m still disgusted when it does. What a jerk!

    Bottom line? Always trust your gut instinct. Thank god you listened to yours.
    Charlotte recently posted..the pursuit of happiness ends withinMy Profile

  13. eDesirs says:

    How bad people can be… I know so many married man who are also seeing innocent women on the side and breaking hearts as well …

  14. Yas Goldbody says:

    Im so sorry but this is every girls story. Yours is hilarious since you found out by the NYTimes. My first love and ex girlfriend for 3 years i found out later screwed almost every girl i knew and many i didn’t. Oh and the lieing doesn’t stop there. She claimed being a lesbian yet she made out with 3 guys while being my committed girl. Story of every female with any orientation’s life! lmao

  15. doris says:

    aw .. i agree with you yaz. so sad :'(

  16. Julie says:

    My guy was married. Fortunately, he ‘fessed up after one great date.