People look at me and assume that at 41 and single I must be a commitment-phobe. But it’s just the opposite. I have no issues with commitment. I just can’t tolerate conflict. Alas, one doesn’t come without the other.
Last night I was pondering my situation. And all of sudden I heard (coming from somewhere in the pinball machine of my mind) that great Philip Larkin poem.
This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
They fucked me up, my mom and dad. For sure they did. I grew up in a house of a nonstop conflict. A 24-hr scream-a-thon. And now, as hard as I try, I still get a lump in my throat when in comes to conflict in relationships.
This isn’t a blame thing. My life, my problems. I just think it’s helpful, for me, to be aware of why I’m doing the dumb shit I’m doing. So that maybe I’ll stop doing it.
And let’s be honest, we’re all fucked up. Each and every once of us. That means you, too.
Tags: commitment-phobe, Philip Larkin, single