Today’s guest post is written by Dennis Hong.
I was catching up with a female friend of mine last weekend, and she started regaling me with the dramatic details of her dating life. She was frustrated that she kept getting played by guys, so she finally boiled it down to that ultimate gazillion-dollar question:
“How do I know if a guy really likes me? I mean, how do I know if he’s really into me?”
I thought about it for a second, and I realized that I had the perfect answer. Of course, it was probably not the answer she wanted to hear, but this is what I came up with:
“Sleep with him. Then see how he acts toward you afterwards.”
Not surprisingly, my friend wasn’t amused. And, truth be told, I wasn’t being all that serious myself, because… truth again be told, I thought it was a silly question to ask in the first place. I mean, come on, if I had the answer to that question, I certainly wouldn’t be posting my thoughts on a blog. I’d have marketed the shit out of it and be raking in the cash by now.
So, she got the snark.
Just for kicks, though, I thought it’d be fun to defend myself on such an obviously ridiculous answer. And so, I did. And I expounded on and on about the merits of my solution, tongue firmly planted in my cheek the entire time.
But then, as I continued to defend my stance, I realized that my solution actually held a sad amount of truth….
Look, I’ll admit it. Guys can be douchebags. Some guys will be attentive and be available and be interested in conversation and want to charm and wine and dine….
Until they get laid. Then, they’ve gotten what they wanted, and they move on to the next girl. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it myself.
And here’s the kicker, ladies: If a guy is charming enough that you find him attractive and want to sleep with him, there’s a good chance he’s had practice at it. Unless you’re actively seeking out the shy awkward wallflowers standing quietly in the corner, if a guy is pursuing you, and you find yourself becoming interested, I’ll wager money you’re not the first woman he’s pursued. And I’ll wager even more money he’s enough of a charmer to hide his true intentions.
So, is it possible he’s truly interested and wants to be your boyfriend and is secretly saying your first name followed by his last name out loud to himself to see how they sound together? Sure, why not?
Is it equally—if not more—possible that he’s only looking for a casual hookup? Guaranteed.
So, how do you distinguish the two?
I’m telling you, you can’t. The more charming the guy, the less you’ll be able to figure him out. And this isn’t me being a guy and holding on to our trade secrets. You just can’t tell.
“But,” you rebut, “what if I just don’t put out for months and months? What if I make him jump through all sorts of flaming, spiked hoops before sleeping with him? I bet that’ll weed out the players just looking to get laid.”
Yes, it definitely will.
It’ll also weed out the guys who are interested, but also have enough options not to be willing to put up with your bullshit.
So, you’re either left with the guy who is so absolutely smitten with you (sure, sure, it can happen), whom you’ve now reduced to a talking puppy.
Or, the desperate dude who latches on to the first woman he thinks he actually has a chance with.
No, really. In all seriousness, if you just want to know how a guy feels about you… put him to the ultimate test. Sleep with him.
If he still calls you, and he still wants to see you, and he’s still charming and witty and smart and laid back, then he might actually be interested in you.
But if he becomes all too scarce all too suddenly… well, then he’s just not that into you.
And there’s your answer. Now where’s my gazillion dollars?
Want more dating advice? Check out Dennis’s group advice site, LemonVibe, where you can ding him if he tries to give you some of that snark.
Tags: bad ex-boyfriend, dating, douchebags, guys, love, players