Hey kids, remember me? I’ve been around-ish. Some days I have big bursts of energy and get all excited about re-entering this world. Then I update facebook, reply to a tweet or 2 and before I know it my energy fizzles.
Anyway… I kinda have something I want to blog about today. I’ll try to be coherent. No promises.
Lately, for the past few months, I spend a huge amount of my energy on trying to be patient. You see, I’m not a patient person. Anyone who knows me, anyone who’s ever read much of this blog probably knows that. I have infinite patience for kids, and problem solving around work stuff. But I have no patience for the things that are most important to me. The BIG ISSUES of my life. Like, you know, my health and my relationships.
So if there’s something important that I don’t know (the results of a test, why someone is behaving in some strange way) then it pretty much eats me up. I obsess.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m supposed to live in the moment. Fuck that. Seriously, I know I’m supposed to live in the now and all that… grumble grumble I’ve even tried, repeatedly, to learn to meditate. But that’s not who I am, deep down inside.
I’m a somewhat neurotic (maybe more than somewhat neurotic, OK definitely more than somewhat neurotic) obsessive worrier. And when there’s something I don’t know, it eats away at me. Like acid.
I’m sharing this because I’m 100% sure that some of you can relate. I’m also 100% sure that some of you will judge me and write comments/send me notes telling me that I need to change my ways. Whatever.
One of the main reasons for my recent hiatus is that I’m currently in waiting mode. I’ve been ill and while being ill SUCKS and there are many days when I can barely get it together to comb my hair I am also being forced to wait. Wait wait wait for tests and in between various doctor’s appointments to figure out what/if anything serious in going on. As much as the feeling crappy sucks, the waiting is nearly as bad. Because, as I’ve said, I have no patience.
What made me think of this today? I was skimming Kotke and saw this blurb about Mark Zuckerberg’s amazing ability to delay self-gratfication(must find time to read the whole article). And I started to wonder… chances are, I’d have eaten the marshmallows.
Tags: health, patience