Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Second Adolescence

I’ve often joked that the recently separated/divorced men I’ve dated seem to be going through a second adolescence.  After years of marriage, they embrace their newfound freedoms and well… sometimes act like teenagers.

But this post isn’t about them.

Nope, this is about me and my own second  adolescence (or maybe it’s my 3rd or 4th?).

When I think of my teenage years, the first thing that comes to mind is overwhelming insecurity. Mostly over my appearance but more likely over everything. How I looked, what I said, where I went, what I listened to.  I was always in my head, worrying that I wasn’t good enough. And then, at some point in 30s (better late than never) I finally grew out of it. Learned to like myself and all that shit.

But lately… I seem to be back to living with that extreme self-doubt. I know it has a lot to do with the changes in my appearance. And the collateral affect that’s had on my life (because people do treat you different when you look differently, even people you know).  I walk into a room and it feels different now. Maybe it shouldn’t. But it does.

I gotta say, I’m really not diggin it. This phase, or whatever it is. It’s been going on for way too long. And it’s eating up way too much of my energy. What a freakin waste.

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5 to “Second Adolescence”

  1. AM. says:

    It seems like u cant change it.. eeven though u can.. why so?

  2. JD Maybe says:

    I swear to god I am not trying to sell anything or spam you. When I read this post it reminded me of how I felt about 2 months ago. The feeling was with me for over 8 months and I started to think it would NEVER go away. This sounds really dumb but I read Anna David’s book: Falling for me. I also blogged about it, it’s not about how to get a man. Its about becoming empowered and getting out of a rut. Feel Better!
    JD Maybe recently posted..Execution is EssentialMy Profile

  3. dill says:

    I think it all depends on the individual most guys are not like that. As for you … you have to say to yourself im sexy and I know it loland hold your head high!!

  4. men are men :) all the same, i know, i’m a men, if they dont have a Second Adolescence is because they probably cheat on their wives before divorce, and of course we will continue dating, but not with the same desire as a man who has always been faithful to wife.

  5. Chris says:

    Divorced and separated men behaving like teenagers? In a way, why shouldn’t they? After all, the happy (female) divorcee is not just a myth. While there are indeed large numbers of div/sep men who mope around and are generally miserable, probably because they’re bitter about it and blame themselves and so on, these ought by rights to be balanced by div/sep men who wipe their brows and exclaim “thank gawd for that!”
    And I do think it’s the bitter ones who become MRAs and all that nonsense because they believe they have some kind of right to be married etc etc.
    Chris recently posted..In support of the Non-dadMy Profile